


2 times Simon Saunders didn’t say he was gay and 1 time he did

by shesthesmoke



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: 2+1 Things, Angst and Fluff, Coming Out, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, Pre-Slash, siremy don’t officially get together in this but the seeds have been planted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 22:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14507280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shesthesmoke/pseuds/shesthesmoke
Summary: Sometimes our brains don’t let us say what we mean-ONE - Right after Annabelle’s houseTWO - The next rehearsal+ONE - The Spring Awakening cast party





	1. ONE

“Lilette, I… I need you.” Simon feels terrible for calling. He shouldn’t, it’s barely nine pm. 

 

She’s silent for a moment.  _ She knows,  _ Simon convinces himself,  _ Everyone knew but me.  _ This thought washes over him in the form of a fresh wave of nausea. 

 

“—Simon, are you there? Simon, listen to me. Where are you? Are you hurt?” Lilette asks frantically. Simon realizes he’s been zoning out. 

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m actually…” He pauses to look up at the house in front of him, “I’m at Annabelle’s house.”

 

“Annabelle’s house?” Lilette sounds confused. “So did you two…” 

 

“No.” Simon can hear his voice start to break. “I—I couldn’t do it.”

 

“Okay,” she says. She doesn’t say anything else. 

 

“Can I come over?” Simon asks, breaking her silence. 

 

“Of course,” Lilette says before hanging up. Simon doesn’t turn on the radio as he drives to her house. His hands are shaking so badly that it’s a wonder he can even control the car. 

 

When he walks into the apartment, Lilette’s mom is sitting at the table. “Hey, Simon,” she smiles. He smiles and nods in response, knowing that nothing is going to come out if he opens his mouth. “Lilette is in her room,” she tells him. He nods again.

 

Any confidence he had immediately evaporates as soon as he walks into Lilette’s room and sees her doing homework on her bed. She looks up, and he almost starts crying again.

 

“Lilette, I… I don’t know what to do,” he whispers. She just nods. “I thought being with Annabelle would… I don’t know what I thought. I’ve been thinking. A lot. And it just, I was at Annabelle’s and it just… hit me.” 

 

Both of them know what comes next. Lilette stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “Simon, take a deep breath.” 

 

He nods and takes her advice. When he starts to speak, it’s in a much lower voice than he was using before. “I told Jeremy that I was just acting during our scene. I  _ was  _ just acting during our scene, but… I was just acting with Annabelle, too.” 

 

Lilette considers this. “Okay, what does that mean?” 

 

“Lilette, I… I’m…”

 

He’s been thinking about this for weeks, months even. Before Spring Awakening. Some part of him has known for all this time. And now he’s with the person he trusts most in the world, and he can’t get it out. And now he’s crying.

 

“I can’t say it. I don’t know why,” he exhales, defeated.

 

“You don’t have to, it’s fine,” Lilette assures him. “Hey, you should go wash your face. You’ll feel better.” He takes her suggestion. “Wait, Simon, do you want to stay over?”

 

_ Yeah,  _ he mouths.

 

She picks up her phone, and clicks on Simon’s mother’s phone number. It picks up right after the third ring.

 

“Lilette? Hi, honey. Is Simon with you? He’s not answering his phone.” Mrs. Saunders asks. She sounds a tiny bit worried. 

 

“Yeah,” Lilette answers, “we’re at my house. My mom is home. I was wondering, is it okay with you if Simon stays over? We’re studying for a test on Monday.”

 

“Oh, well, I guess that’s all right. He told me he was going to see a movie with Annabelle.”

 

“Oh! Uh, Annabelle canceled last minute. She’s sick, and she needs lots of rest so she’s better for opening night,” Lilette lies. 

 

“Okay.” for such a strict parent, Simon’s mom is surprisingly easy to lie to. “Tell him to text me, okay?” She says.

 

“I will, bye.” Lilette hangs up quickly. Then, she puts her homework away, gets her laptop out, and pulls up Netflix. Simon comes back in, looking more put-together but still not happy. “I told your mom that Annabelle canceled your movie date and we’re studying. She said it’s fine.” 

 

”Thanks,” he whispers, then sits down and puts his head in his hands. “What am I going to do? I feel like I’m suffocating myself, but I don’t know how to stop.”

 

“Simon, whatever happens, I’m here for you. So’s the rest of Stanton Drama,” Lilette says. Simon nods, not sure if he’s going to let himself believe that.


	2. TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As y’all can see from this chapter, I’ve got complicated feelings about Jeremy Travers

It’s a pretty standard Monday night tech rehearsal. At the same time, it’s not standard at all because it’s the first one since Simon ran out of Annabelle’s house. His first time seeing Annabelle and Jeremy since his sort-of confession to Lilette. He doesn’t know how he feels about it.

 

He picks an empty seat in the mostly empty theater. Soon enough, Lilette and Robbie walk in. Lilette sits next to Simon, and Robbie sits on her other side.

 

Mr. Mazzu and Ms. Wolfe stand up. “Hey, guys,” Mr. Mazzu starts, “I hope everyone had a really wonderful, restful weekend, and is ready to get back to work. Let’s run Act 2.”

 

Simon sighs. It gives him a little bit of time to prepare for his scene, but not enough. He gets dressed pretty quickly. Hanschen actually doesn’t spend that much time off stage between the start of Act 2 and Word of Your Body (Reprise). To make matters worse, everyone has seemingly practiced outside of rehearsal, so the show is running at the speed that it would during a performance.

 

In almost no time at all, the stage is clear except for a small raised area. Simon and Jeremy enter from opposite sides. Simon listens as Jeremy waxes poetic about wanting to be a pastor. Simon says his line, delivers it more confidently than he thought himself capable of. And then the kiss. It’s quick. Hand kiss, short exchange, mouth kiss. There are many things Simon doesn’t know how to do, and stage-kissing Jeremy Travers is not one of them.

 

And then the scene is over. They leave the stage holding hands, like professionals. Jeremy drops Simon’s hand and runs up the stairs to the prop room as soon as they’re out of the audience’s line of sight. By the time Simon gets up the stairs, Jeremy has his tie off and is sitting on the couch, playing on his phone. “You didn’t have to kiss me,” he says without looking up. 

 

“I’m sorry?” Simon asks.

 

Jeremy glances at him. “I said you didn’t have to kiss me. I thought it made you uncomfortable.”

 

Simon scoffs. “I’m an actor. I agreed to take the role. It’s part of the role. You know what acting is. We’re in the school play.”

 

This apparently makes Jeremy mad enough to stand up. “You told me you were with Annabelle, and I told you I wasn’t comfortable with the scene.”

 

“And I was comfortable being kissed in the school parking lot?” Simon yells. 

 

“Simon, just be honest!” Jeremy yells back.

 

Simon takes a deep breath, regulating his volume. “You keep pushing me and pushing me. You think you have me all figured out.” In an ideal universe, Simon would’ve stopped there. But it isn’t, so he doesn’t. His mother thinks he’s the perfect son. His father thinks he’s either a rebel or a sinner. Jeremy thinks he’s a pathetic closet case. Everyone else in the drama club probably thinks that, too. Simon is just tired of people being  _ wrong.  _ So that’s why he says what he says next. “What if I’m not straight, and I’m still not into you?”

 

Immediately, everything changes. Simon takes two steps back, as if it’ll create a distance between himself and what he just said. He looks terrified. A small part of him feels relieved that it’s out, but the rest of him can’t breathe. 

 

This is the one hint that Jeremy seems to be able to take. “Is that… true?” He asks, much less sure of himself than normal.

 

Simon takes a deep breath, swallows, and nods. “Yes. I mean, no… I’m still trying to figure some things out. I’m happy for you, that you’re so comfortable, but I’m not there yet.” 

 

Jeremy nods. “Okay. But… the second thing?”

 

Simon shrugs. “I don’t know. That’s one of the things I’m still figuring out. It doesn’t matter though, my parents… Nothing could happen.” he explains. 

 

Jeremy sighs. “I didn’t realize… I’m sorry.” He checks the time on his phone. They both need to be downstairs in time for The Song of Purple Summer. They’ve got about forty five seconds. 


	3. +ONE

The audience is dead silent as Gwen sings her final line. Then, they erupt into deafening applause. 

 

Five minutes later, after curtain call, Simon is texting his mother. He couldn’t find her in the audience, but she sent a photo of Lilette and Robbie at the beginning so he knows she’s there. 

 

**7:20**

**(photo attachment)**

 

**9:05**

**You know I had my doubts about this play, but I’m so proud of you, Simon <3**

 

_ 9:05 _

_ Thanks _

 

**9:06**

**We should go out to celebrate!**

 

_ 9:07 _

_ I can’t, I’m going to the cast party _

 

**9:09**

**I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that**

 

_ 9:10 _

_ It’s at the pizza place, it’s chaperoned, and everyone’s going home at 11:30 _

 

**9:11**

**I guess it’s all right, then**

 

**9:13**

**Keep your cell phone on**

 

_ 9:13 _

_ I will _

 

Simon drives Lilette, Robbie, and Gwen to the restaurant. He can see Robbie and Lilette holding hands in the backseat through the rear view mirror, and for a second he just lets himself want something like that. 

 

A couple of people get to the restaurant before them. Maashous waves them over, then launches back into whatever story he was telling Michael and Sasha. Five minutes later, everyone, including Ms Wolfe and Mr Mazzu, is there and they’ve pushed all of the tables together like they’re in Rent. 

 

They all sit down and order their food, and then the volume of the conversation slowly grows to a roar. Ms. Wolfe taps a fork against her glass to get everyone’s attention. “Hi, everyone. I just want to say that this production has been one of the most special experiences I’ve ever had, and I’m thankful that I got to work with all of you,” she says. “Even you,” she smirks, looking at Mr. Mazzu.

 

Mr. Mazzu smiles, and then stands up. “I also want to thank you all. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me, and believing in yourselves, and believing in this play even when I didn’t.” He gets choked up on the last part. “I have been privileged to work with you guys during our rehearsals, and that is time that I will treasure forever.”

 

Simon takes a deep breath. He can feel himself shaking, but this is something he needs to do. He has an hour before he has to go back to his parents, and he really wants to spend it without having to worry about anything. He knows he’ll be supported, but it’s still terrifying. “Guys, I have something to say.” Half the table turns to look at him. “Being in this musical has truly been a wonderful experience, and… it’s taught me some new things about myself. And it’s helped me come to terms with things I’ve known about myself for a long, long time.” No one says anything, so he continues. “I’m…” for a minute, he doesn’t think he’s going to be able to do it. Lilette puts her hand on his wrist in a show of support. He takes a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

 

“Cool,” says Robbie.

 

“Thanks for telling us,” says Michael.

 

The rest of the table is silent. An unpleasant feeling takes root in Simon’s stomach. Eventually, he realizes there’s someone standing behind his seat. It’s Gwen.

 

Simon stands up, and Gwen hugs him. Confused, he hugs her back. “I’m happy for you,” she whispers, “are you gonna be okay?”

 

The hug ends before Simon answers. He thinks for a second, first about how his parents will most certainly not be happy if/when they find out. Then he looks around the circle, at his best friend and her boyfriend who isn’t such an asshole and his two teachers who have supported him through so much. He sees an ex-girlfriend and a maybe-future-boyfriend and many, many people who have been there for him even while going through their own shit. He turns back to the girl he’s known since they were in diapers, mostly because their moms were friends. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I hate to say it, I really love this show. Come scream with me about it on tumblr @gaypasenvie or on twitter @wtmgay


End file.
